“I feel so guilty when I have to say ‘no’ to someone.” I hear this sentence regularly in my work with my female clients. They sometimes then say they believe it is because they have been conditioned by society to be kind, compliant, and to never upset anyone. I believe this to be true. Yet, I think there’s more to it.
Self care
Trump-era Survival Guide
No matter your political stance, pro-Trump, anti-Trump, or Trump neutral, I think we can all agree that right now, people are stressed. And fearful. And angry. Tensions are running high. Since even before the 2016 election, clients were coming into counseling talking about their concerns related to politics. I continue to hear story after story about how it is affecting people and their relationships. I hear about families having blowout arguments, some even choosing to skip family events due to the likelihood for political debate. I hear about people being unable sleep, various groups being terrified of their rights being taken away, fears about the economy and jobs, fears of being physically harmed, and people just being fed up with discussing it.
Quit Punishing Yourself (Do This Instead)
In my last blog, Why We Self Criticize and What To Do About It, I raised a question about what makes it so difficult for us to extend the same compassion to ourselves that we give to others. So many times, after a client has disclosed a self-critical thought they have toward themselves (i.e. “I am unlovable” or “I am a bad parent”), I have asked them whether they would ever say that to anyone else. Typically people will emphatically say that they would never say such a nasty thing to someone else, yet they consistently have the thought about themselves day after day. Continue reading
Why We Self-Criticize and What To Do About It
Kristin Neff, PhD has done a wonderful job of explaining the pieces of how we come to have compassion for others.
- We must first take notice that someone is suffering.
- We are moved by their suffering and have an internal response to it.
- Our response then is warmth, kindness, non-judgment, and desire to help end their pain.
How to Combat Your Inner Critic
A common goal for people coming to me for therapy is to have better self-esteem, more confidence, or just to not feel so down on themselves all the time. Continue reading
Carolyn Bloye, PsyD 